Thoughts

Sometimes you can inspire yourself

I love how much we’re celebrating people who achieve the impossible these days, especially with women. People like Malala, who went from the brink of death to a Nobel Peace Prize winning Oxford Student, or Hillary Clinton, who, despite not even winning the election, still made history in a way that no woman in American politics had before. It cannot be argued how incredible these females are, but we must also think of those who have, in the grander scheme of things achieved less, but in their own personal terms they have climbed their own Everest. I consider myself to be one of these latter females.

Exactly one week ago today I clicked ‘submit’ on my final piece of academic work (at least for now).  I wasn’t able to cheer the way I wanted to, mainly due to the fact I was on a train to London at the time, but floods of tears began to fall, a cross of relief, exhaustion, and I guess, joy.

Those on the outside may think my reaction was slightly overdramatic, but it has to be said, reader, 6 months ago I never thought I’d come to the end of my MA.

A lot of people- (well at least my friends who are reading this, hey guys) know that I was completely and utterly shook up by the sudden and unexpected loss of my father- right in the middle of my studies. It’s an odd one because I remember the days that followed so clearly, from where I was stood when I got told down the phone that my father had been found, to the panic attack I had in the registry office when I had to sign the death certificate.

Somehow I’ve managed to get through it all, the funeral, multiple lawyers appointments, visits to his grave, all alongside the high pressures of deadlines, and exams. God knows how I’ve managed to get any sleep through it all. Over the past 2 months I’ve even been working full time, as a dream of an opportunity arose, and I clearly  didn’t have enough on my plate..

If somebody had told me this time last year, as I worried about my upcoming masters degree affecting my part time job at H&M, (I lasted 4 weeks doing both, sorry retail) I would be dealing with what I have been throughout 2017, I’d have said ‘no chance.’ Even when I tell outsiders what I’ve been through they’ve been astonished that I’ve come out of this all anxiety free and still with a smile on my face.

The reason why I have? Because I wanted it. I wanted to finish my MA to the best of my ability, a year out just wasn’t an option for me. My current job was meant to be a 2 week freelance project, although it’s now been two months and I’m still going strong. Of course it’s tiring but the opportunities that I’ve had so far from it have been so exciting, and I’m loving working alongside inspiring people in roles I one day hope to see myself in. Of course I still miss my Dad, and that’s not something I’ll get through anytime soon, or ever, but I’d like to think he’s watching me, proud that I’ve not let the experience bring me down.

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